Gestalt formation and
destruction
When I look at the mandala I drew, I like one thing about
it. It does look a little like a Gestalt
figure. I see different things, depending on what color I focus on. To look at
the mandala focusing on different colors helps the Sun, the yellow figure, to
be perceived as more dynamic, as in motion. And that’s good. It reminds me of
how Fritz Perls saw the Gestalt therapy happening. The primary need in the
focus, once met, gives space for the next need to take the focal point. There
is movement, there is dynamism, there is flow as figures form and get
destroyed, needs emerging and getting met.
My symbol, the yellow color, became a concrete and full
partner in dialogue. It says: “I gave you information and until you take action
regarding this information, I will not give you more.” So I have no choice but
to respond to that position with integrity and courage. I asked for information,
I got it, now I have to act. But the symbol is there to help – synchronicities come.
Here’s one of them. Few days ago I was almost attacked by a
young, tall, strong Black man on subway. He insisted I pushed him, and demanded
apologies. I apologized. Twice, because he kept on standing above me and talked
aggressively and because I truly meant well. However, at some point I felt
uneasy. The guy was clearly in a psychotic state. Eventually, seeing my calm,
he backed down and sat down across me. He started talking on the phone loudly and
took pictures, I’m not sure of himself or me. At some point I changed my seat.
Few minutes after, he followed me! I got up immediately and left, struck by his
move. I felt panic. As minutes (seconds?) were passing, thoughts rushed through
my head. Is he gonna ever stop? Will he leave me alone? Will he attack me? Will
anybody help me? I decided to change the car. Even after getting off the train,
I was looking around to check if he was following me. My God!
Flooded by feelings, I tried to soothe myself. Why did it happen to me? I felt so unprotected
and vulnerable, even betrayed (what if nobody would help me?)…
He, like a messenger, brought forth and up my old traumatic
feelings. I already felt vulnerable, unprotected before, and betrayed by other
people. I was not helped before but left like a road kill to bleed out. Hence
my strong reaction. Justified, yet strong. He brought these feelings up. The moment I
realized that, I calmed down a little. I stopped drowning in panic. I
understood something. Maybe this situation happened as a synchronicity. My
symbol wants me to reconnect with old feelings so I can regain split parts of my
old experience, my old me.
If I want integrity, I need to revisit and renegotiate old traumas.
If I want integrity, I need to revisit and renegotiate old traumas.
Thinking about that situation and my Black dungeon, the
company of the yellow Sun, I thought: if my dungeon is made of fear, what is this fear? Can I explore? Just
like I explored my feelings evoked and caused by the guy on the train? That’s
what my symbol tried to encouraged me to do: explore my situation and feelings.
Do not stay in a frozen pose. Do not wait. Look around. Is there anything in
the dungeon? Anybody, any things? I think I am going to follow that lead. I
trust my symbols.
Xo.
P.S.
As I strive to restore balance and harmony inside, as I
always did, the ripple effect of this action goes deep into my family. The
balance and happiness come back. Everybody is pulled into the vortex of higher
harmony.
AR
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