A wolf in water | BLOG 4 / CA / April 26

Things have shifted. As I realize now that I have attributes of the wolf symbol, I have moved to a new symbol: water. Water is something that has permeated my life ever since I could remember. Whenever there was a sense of change or transformation, water was always there, albeit rain, a river, or staring into the ocean, it's permanence in my life is something I can't believe I never noticed. The video I posted above was something I created exactly a year ago; I attribute it to a poem that I had written for one of my best friends back in Texas, this poem is almost 6 years old (see poem: For Monique). I dream with water constantly too. I don't even know where to begin when describing my relationship with water. I was always in the water as a child, swimming, playing in rainstorms, diving into the ocean. It's always been present. Oh and I'm a Pisces. From this epiphany, I decided to do some deep, deep digging into my personal archives; I uncovered a poetry project in which I created poems based on found photographs and how I developed an intimate relationship with strangers, ultimately adopting them as family, my family, in the works. The title of the project was called Sermons of a Lost Cause. I'll attach some of the screenshots I found below, again, this project was flooded (no pun intended) with poems involving water and the ocean! What in the world!? I decided to delve into my book of symbols and the o' great internet. Here's what I found out.

Water: link here. 

"Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does." 
~ Margaret Atwood

I discovered that water often envelops change. This makes so much sense to me as my life constantly experiences severe, dramatic shifts and transformations. Water often marks the beginning or closed door of each change. I have been thinking a lot about this throughout the week and am still so curious as to why I have such a longing to be near the ocean. I have a goal to get back to the west coast and move to LA or the Bay Area, the waters there are so calming and relaxing; I feel that if I am not near an ocean, there will always be a permanent sense of anxiety and sadness, and so so much longing indeed. 

I have continued to meditate and participate in active imagination, it seems my inner soul has so much to tell, and so many words of encouragement I have needed to hear. I will engage now in more conversations about water and why. 

Lastly, although I am a painter, I have not painted for myself in quite sometime. It's always been a commission or for a course more recently. So Friday I am bringing paints, and small panels, and for once in a long time, I am painting for myself; avoiding critiques from others, and embracing what I create without changing it for the satisfaction of others. 

Onward and upwards my friends.