Baby's Head (JH / #1 / April 7)

     

Josephine

A baby's brain is of the first to develop in utero. The crown of a baby's head is the first to emerge in the world. This bowl of bone - and all it holds - leads us in our becoming. 

It was the image of a newborn's head tenderly held by a hand that jumped out to me in our exercise of fishing for images. This was seemingly in stark contrast to so many others that captured my attention that I chose...images of death and destruction. I have felt dead for a while now but only recently have I not been able to hide it.

How I have been in the world I can no longer sustain. I have spent this past week breaking down...breaking down much of what has given me my identity, my orientation in the world, who I have considered myself to be - and who others have considered me to be. It has been a week that has felt devastating. As much as it has consumed me I went from feeling dead inside to experiencing energy...perhaps life force of conception of a new self. 

The image of the gently held top of the newborn's head has affirmed that there is more of me yet to be born. And, the animal cries that come out of me now I know they are not only wails of grief - but also the screams that come with the labor of birth.

 Chaos is being experienced in many areas of my life...here is my poem about one...

Anim/Us 

I am not the same woman you married.

There. I said it.

Your eyes search me

But we both know it’s true.

Once soft and foamy, fluid as water

I spilled everywhere and you contained me.

But in time I overflowed

There is more of me than either of us knew.

These waters filled the womb of me

Something was happening…

I tried to hide it

But nothing fit anymore.

There was no going back

I started to show.

And from this,

Form and fight

Force and fists

Were born

With cries

I am! I want! I can!

See me whole and holy,

Shadow and light!

And with that

I cut my cord.

Apart, we wonder

What do we do now in the mess of the after birth?

You ask me if I am going to leave you.

I ask you the same.

Here we are, honest and uncertain.

Together.


(JH)