Thank You Mandala & Final Blog Post JAL 5/5/17

Dr. Athan,

I just wanted to share with you what a true gift is was to have been able to take this class with you. I feel as though I have truly begun the journey towards reintegration following my time here in NY and at TC. It was so gratifying to have words and works given to the concepts that I have been dancing around with for the last 7 years. It has also allowed me to figure out what I need to do to have my next steps continue to place me on the path to wholeness.

I think I have yet to process the profound sense of loss that this material has brought up for me. It seems as though something must be lost in order for their to be a true transition into the new self. I have yet to figure out how to process that loss but I do know that this class has frequently made me cry and begin to truly mourn. I think in doing that I am beginning to release some of the pain of the loss and making way for something better.

I cannot thank you enough for providing a space of communitas and sacredness here at TC and pushing me one step closer to my journey to Santa Barbara and hopefully to become a part of the Pacifica community.

In true blue fashion, I found my parting mandala in the Blue Mountains of VA and my final object was given to me there as well. I was presented with a new journal as a gift from the hotel I was staying at in the Blue Mountains. It is covered in the same material as the very first book that I bound in high school but of course my high school journal was blue this one is neon green. This was meaningful to me because neon green was the color that I imagined during our guided visualization sending back and forward to my family in order for them to heal.

In closing, I wanted to leave you with the meaning of the tarot card I pulled for today as I thought it was totally appropriate for our class this day.

A THANK YOU | CA | MAY 5 2017

Dr. Athan, 

I just wanted to say thank you for your guidance and help during these weeks, you have given me the tools to really explore the archetypes of my inner self and I couldn't be more excited for the future. Thank you for giving me the courage to be honest with myself, to look keenly at the world around me, and to delve into unknown realms and possibilities. As an art educator, I look forward to the future and I look forward to guiding my students on a journey towards meeting, knowing, and harmonizing with the inner self. Thank you. 

Below is a recent painting of mine, inspired by the mandala. 

playing with colors and lines_Blog 5_YZ_05/05/17

This week was tough. Wednesday was my birthday, however I did not have time to think about it because of all the final projects. While I was walking down Broadway back to home, I looked up to the sky and I saw the moon. It was a half moon and there were no clouds. She was quiet there as always, waiting for me. What was rare was that I had never saw the moon when I was walking down Broadway, while I could only see it on Amsterdam. It seems that the moon for that night was specially for me. About birthday I had some issues that I cannot think through, but the moon was just there as a reminder on my birthday, that do not think too much, everything would be fine. 

Also this week I was madly into painting with crayons. It was hard to start when facing with a blank white paper. However, I gradually started some experiments by using different colors for the same motif, using different lines, going to different directions, or changing the layout. It turned out that no matter what decision we making, it will always be a great piece. So is it with life: it was an experiment, and it is always going to achieve itself.. 

-Things I made this week-

JOURNEY: BLOG 5 DW 5/5/17

I keep on walking, walking, and walking until my feet bleed. I thought I know where I’m going, but I don’t. My feet just keep on dragging my body to somewhere deep, dark, and cold. Then I realize, “oh, it’s my own soul” and I question myself, “do I stay or do I go?  I was so tempted to go, but then I thought to myself, “would I be able to find my way into my own soul again?” That, I’m not sure, but I think that it’s a good idea to explore a little deeper and longer just to see what lies underneath the darkness. I see nothing, I hear nothing except my own breath, but I was patient. I wait, wait, and wait. Although it feels like forever, I just know that it’ll be worth the wait because everything is a process. I continue to walk, sit, take a deep breath in, and keep on walking. It’s tiring, it’s tough, I want to stop, but I know I shouldn’t. After a while of walking, I stepped on something, which turns out to be a candle, but the problem is that there’s nothing to light it with. What could I use? Is there’s a matchbox, a lighter or anything around? Because I couldn’t see, I need to use my sense of touch instead and luckily, I found two stones, and I’m guessing the stone age way might work, so I gave it a try. The fire suddenly lit up, and I was able to light the candle. I continue on walking again but this time with the candle in my hand, and I start to see something that looks like a path that appears to be leading to somewhere. It will be along journey, but I can’t stop now that I’ve come this far, and there’re still so much more to explore.

The soul speaks:

Are you ready for me?

If so, come and explore,

I might look scary but I’m not,

It will take time,

But it will be worthwhile,

So just come and explore.

DW

Blue-Blog5-XY-05/5/17

            I love blue, the sky is blue, sea is blue, my nail is blue, a lot of my stuffs are blue, actually I cannot say I love all the blue things, but this color can let me stop here for a second. The interesting thing is when other people ask me, why you go to this school, I just told them because I love baby blue.

If I need give me a color for this week, I will say is blue, all the thing is going my way, is not bad, but a lot of homework need do, I always think blue is a lucky color, every semester, I will choose a color for each class, and the one I am most interested in or easiest one I will put blue on it.

Actually I never think about why I love this color so much, maybe because of sea, maybe because of sky, I love nature? or because my family, when I was young my mother always let me classify the things I need do, the most easiest thing put blue on it, more harder put yellow, and orange, pink, red, black. 
which means when I see blue now I feel very relax, I never think about why I like blue before, is interesting the influence from family. 

Sometimes I said, I need to do my best, because the most color in the word is blue, thanks god give us such beautiful world.

Stirred, not shaken and then placidity BLOG 5 AR 5/4/17

My kings and queens of musical world, all capable of creating sacred, transformative space while doing their art. My life savers. Thank you heroes and heroines! For the lack of better ritual leaders, I have you. You never let me down yet.

As our group journey leans toward conclusion, the work with symbols continues. It was a busy week. I don’t want anymore! It’s hard work. Symbols once invited to collaboration, deliver. Oy!

This week I kept on experiencing old, forgotten feelings, evoked by some synchronicities. I haven’t felt them in a long time. I am a different person now, with different perspective and set of strengths. I can reframe these old feelings  and beliefs and hopefully contain them in a different way than 5, 10 years ago. My archetypal initiation puts me in front of a mirror – do you know who you are? Do you know what is inside you? Are you what you thought you were? Look here, and here. This is you, too. This is your shadow, and this is a heroine and a queen in you. What will you do?

So I’m in a state of discord now. Controlled liminal deconstruction.

Well, so I look into these old new feelings and experience them for myself. Yet older, yet more mature. New cycle of differentiation and linkage. Yellow became my protector and container. I’m the yellow little chicken inside the cosmic egg that is about to CRACK open! New life is (re)born J …. 

I’m the Pheonix coming back from the ashes, renewed, reborn, reinvented.

Red reminds me of my fever and anger, Life Force that never dies, no matter how suppressed. As long as we breathe, there is Self that wants to manifests itself through and out. It will not conform to suppression. Music is my axis mundi. My musical heroes are my elders. Emotional freedom, self-expression and connection.

On Wednesday I stepped on a remote control, and this is what happened. The tv turned on, showing this:

"I think he's interesting, brand new Brad". two ladies, wearing yellow, and red. I mean! They would talk about Brad Pitt getting into therapy, visiting national parks and admitting he has a drinking problem, processin ghis divorce with Angelina Jolie. I think he is on his archetypal transformative journey! 

Will I "quit psychology"? Will I continue and pursue the Call? 

...

Then comes humility, and ordinary goodness J just like when I was snorkeling with abandon in Indonesia this March. You can’t drown if you fly. You can’t fall if you swim. Beautiful state of calm and suspension. Discovery of the new world, under the water. New way of being.

Water so clear you feel you can’t drown but rather fall. So high, so clear, feels like air.

Clarity, purity and fluidity. 

Before enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water. 

After enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water. 

AR